Updated: Jul 30, 2021
I have come to realise how much I actually hate being asked about my singularity, and I am sorry if I have ever asked someone I hardly know about their love life as an ice breaker.
If you feel the same or feel you are clinging to a relationship you aren’t 100% into, let’s discuss what we could do to feel happier about this whole situation.
On the surface level, I have tried to force myself to find people attractive and maybe give things a go, because there is a general (and pressured) consensus in society that as a grown-up adult, you should be coupled.
1. You are Enough
“You’ll find your other half and make a whole”
But, I am whole already!
I am my own person with my own thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes. This IS enough.
Self-care for me is realising what I am capable of and what I need, without a partner.
And the biggest pro of being single of course is that you don't have to ask for anybody else's permission or take a partners day/ emotions/ work into consideration before doing something for yourself. You can just do it. Immediately.
2. Enough of the Pressure
The pressing questions at every family gathering, birthday party, social event or even at work as general chitter-chatter: “Are you dating?” “Do you have a partner?” “Why not?” “Are you having kids? Are you getting married?” adds to the mounting pressure that everybody should be partnered. And if you're not in a relationship, why not? What is wrong with you?
You should not be defined by your partner, as you should not be defined without one.
Talking about who you fancy with your friends is (mostly) enjoyable, but strangers interrogation can be dismantling to your sense of self....Maybe I do need a partner to be seen as a high functioning-have-it-all-together adult...you start to think.
3. Singular Person Validation
I think some people forget or haven’t even realised how interesting and amazing they are without having a person attached to their arm.
A relationship should not validate your existence, because if that person should leave...do you also lose your sense of self or purpose in life? Or suddenly become obsolete?
Of course not.
Not everybody's focus is on another specific person or romantic love. They may be focusing on work, social justice, healing from trauma or just come out of a relationship - there attention might be elsewhere.
4. Can we allow ourselves to be happy?
Is there something missing that we can fix by and for ourselves, without a relationship being the ultimate remedy?
Ask yourself what is it you really want?
Just to go out on a date and chat?
It's cliche I know, but could you be brave enough to take yourself out on a date and get to know yourself? We expend an awful lot of time and energy getting to know somebody else, but have we spent enough quality time with ourselves first?
Is there a place you have always wanted to go to? Can you take friend or again, go by yourself?
Your self date doesn't need to be extravagant, it can be a picnic, a train to a new place; perhaps there's a local spot that you’ve never taken the time to really see?
You known you can buy yourself flowers and chocolates and take yourself off for a spa day whenever you like and want.
5. The power of friendships!
Not all relationships need to be romantic to experience love, connection and care.
6. Dating Apps
As with anything in your life, if it is not brining you joy, why do it?
Dating can be really fun, and indeed you may discover a caring romantic partner there, but sometimes it can feel overwhelming. Take a break whenever you need to and always check-in with yourself:
What do I want?
Am I happy?
Is this helping me get to where I want to be?
Is this supporting my self-worth?
6. Joy only
Nobody but you can control the happiness in your life.
You don't need to satiate a society relationship quota if you want to be alone right now - or even alone indefinitely. It is your choice.
Independence is so important for growth, so putting your highest standards and your best self forward, enjoy the pleasure of being you.